I like you! We use this term very often and in the positive sense of connecting at the relationship level. What does liking translate to? Usually it’s a sense of being comfortable with the other individual. A basic level of trust of the fact that we won’t harm each other by actions or words. Its like I accept you as an individual. So the point to ponder is that is this enough to set the foundation of a relationship? Any relationship, work, personal, friendship? Is Likability enough?

In this deluge of connections that we make today thanks to social media and multiple platforms being available it just feels that Likability is becoming like a hygiene factor. I don’t want to stay connected with anyone I don’t like. Very often in the first instance itself under the act of rapport building what we are doing is to establish Likability. Find a reason to like, from education to common interests to common friends / connections. 

While Likability is the foundation what is really becoming critical today is Respectability. Respect that is not given but gained by a actions, words or expertise. If I were to ask you to look around you – at all your friends, relatives, connections – how many of those have gained Respectability from you? 

Gaining Respectability requires work and I think this is becoming more and more important. In the past respect was more a position – authority was translated to respect we respected our teachers, parents, elders, bosses… the list was endless. 

One thing this Millennial mind-set has challenged for all of us is flat or lean structures. Authority does not necessarily translate to respect. However, it’s really tough to get something done without Respect in a relationship. 

So what have you done to Gain Respectability? 

As I was toying with this idea I did look at people who have gained Respectability from me and of the common threads stood out to me –

• Building Respectability requires effort. I am still to find anyone on my list of the ones I respect who just got it easy. Possibly we do respect people when they succeed against the odds. 
• Respectability is also a function of how Real are they! They may not be perfect but they are real. Someone who goes through all emotions yet is balanced would stand out to me as Respectable. 
• Another aspect is their openness to learn and unlearn. Respect is not equal to arrogance. The moment one feels getting on a pedestal becoming a “know it all” they lose respect from me. Expertise is no more etched in stone and requires us to reinvent ourselves regularly and this ability leads to respect. 
• Final one Respecting others for who they are as individuals without the biases of gender, age and race. It’s a unique trait that some people have that they make you feel good about yourself. They for sure gain more respect than the ones who climb on their peoples back to rise above them. 

What’s the criteria on your list to Gain Respectability?